Stool Samples

Two weeks ago, the unthinkable predictable happened: OUR FAVRE came out of retirement three weeks after retiring or something. A day before, Jay Glazer and ESPN were reporting this imminent decision based off the words of unnamed Vikings players. Said the unnamed players ...

"I'm telling you it's already done. Right after the Indy game. I don't think anyone hear doesn't think that." - Unnamed Vikings Player

"I don't know if it's done, but I think he'll be in by the third preseason game." - Another unnamed Vikings player

It represented the dawning of a new era in mainstream sports media. Along with the source and those 'close to the situation', the unnamed player has become a beacon of hope and news for Jay Glazers and Chris Mortensens the world over.

Here Here.

John Paul Morosi should have his readers write for him

Jon Paul Morosi is a national MLB writer for FOXSports.com. He previously covered baseball for the Detroit Free Press and Seattle Post-Intelligencer. He began his journalism career at the Bay City Times in his native Michigan.

And yet, even with that resume, John Paul Morosi has difficulty accepting that Ichiro Suzuki is a Major League hall of famer.

Let's discuss someone as far from the performance-enhancement controversy as just about anyone in baseball. Let's talk about someone whose game involves singles instead of slugging, a player whose candidacy is both unprecedented and untainted.

What are we to do with Ichiro Suzuki?

Uh, John, we put Ichiro in the Hall of Fame. That's what we should do. Here's one reason beyond the statistics why this shouldn't be too hard of a decision: it's the Hall of Fame ... not the Hall of Those-who-played-well-for-a-real-long-time. I'll stop the rambling and allow you to take the honors of public discourse.

Ichiro, at 183 hits entering Sunday, is about to reach the mark for a ninth straight year. That will be a record for consecutive 200-hit seasons. (Pete Rose, with 10 seasons, holds the overall record.)

Ichiro leads the majors in hits since debuting with the Mariners in 2001. Not even Albert Pujols is all that close.

Suzuki is 12 away from 2,000 for his career. He was the first Japanese position player, batting champion and Most Valuable Player in the U.S. major leagues.

So why the column then?

Suzuki already has the single-season hits record (262, set in 2004) and more than 3,000 hits between Japan and the U.S. And he has done it all while serving as the standard-bearer for Japanese position players in the big leagues, giving him the sort of historical claim that counts in Cooperstown.

If that's not a Hall of Fame resume, I'm not sure what is.

I really can't fathom how John Paul Morosi would write a column asking if Ichiro is a sure fire Hall of Famer. Silly horse.

By the way, if you check out the column <http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9971374/Has-Ichiro-done-enough-to-be-Hall-of-Fame-lock> , a poll shows that 89% of readers think Ichiro is a Hall of Famer. BUT HE ONLY PLAYED FOR TEN YEARS!

Final thought: writing about whether or not Ichiro is a HoF "lock" is stupid.

Kevin Hench almost certainly off the mark

Following the Cardinals' acquisition of John Smoltz, Kevin Hench wanted to get a little something off his chest <http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9936670/Resorting-to-old-pitchers-isn%27t-new-and-isn%27t-smart> . His chest does not like old 40 year-olds.

"How does a man decide in what order to abandon his life?" asked Cormac McCarthy in No Country for Old Men.

If you're a big-league pitcher, the hitters will generally tell you when it's time to abandon the career part of your life. They will beat you into submission.

And the long, hot, daily grind of a pennant race is no country for old men.

Just ask John Smoltz. The 42-year-old future Hall of Famer was thrown into a steel cage by Theo Epstein, who apparently hadn't read the probability tables on 42-year-olds coming off arm surgery, going from the National League to the American League.

Wait. wait. wait. wait. What is this 'probability table' that you speak of, Kevin? Explain to me what it is and explain what pitchers are on this table.

It was an actuarial blueprint for disaster and a disaster it was. Smoltz went 2-5 with an 8.32 ERA. His first six starts were against teams with a combined record 88 games under .500 and the Red Sox went 1-5 in those games. (If Boston falls short in its wildcard tussle with the Rays and Rangers, the John Smoltz Experiment will almost certainly be the difference.)

Not only did you fail to explain the 'probability tables' and the pitchers on it, you slapped the responsibility of the Red Sox missing the playoffs on a guy who pitched in eight games for a team that played 154 others. What are you ingesting prior to your column deadlines? And what's with the phrase "almost certainly"? By my count, it almost certainly will not rain tomorrow.

Man, what a weird column <http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9936670/Resorting-to-old-pitchers-isn%27t-new-and-isn%27t-smart> .

Bill Coats Doesn't Know What Year it is

Backup Rams beat writer for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Bill Coats is having some problems with the space time continuum.

"Injuries spoiled (Leonard) Little's last two seasons. He played in just seven games in 2007 before undergoing toe surgery. Last year, a hamstring injury suffered in the opener kept him out of two games and forced him into a reserve role in several others. In the final year of his contract, Little, 34, would like nothing better than an injury-free '08."

Later this week, look for Coats' profile on Rams quarterback Kurt Warner, who hopes to have an injury free 2002. Coming off the heels of a Super Bowl loss to the Patriots, an injury free '02 is all one could hope for.

Stool Samples is written by Patrick Imig. You can email him at patrick@joesportsfan.com.