Random Thoughts

The great thing about this new blog is that I can give Stoolies near and far my unrivaled gambling advice in real time.  So without further ado here are my plays of the day.  Keep in mind I’m on an unprecedented losing streak which can’t go on forever.  Having said that, I love the Lady Vols +4 against UNC.  I’m not joking.  I really like this game.  I’ve sort of been keeping up on the women’s tournament and haven’t ruled out going to the Final Four at the Fleetcenter.   Again, I must reiterate that I’m serious.   Anyway, Tennessee has two unstoppable chicks on their team.  There is a white girl who never misses from the outside and they have Candace Parker who is unstoppable inside.  They’ll beat UNC outright.   As far as the NIT goes, I like Old Dominion and South Carolina.    Both Michigan and Louisville suck away from home and that will be exposed tonight.

The Plays

Lady Vols +4

Old Dominion pick

S.C. -2

Today is a sad day for all University of Michigan alumni including El Presidente.  Our very own Dhani Jones was arrested this week in Miami.  It’s just another sad example of pro athletes doing bad things.   Apparently Dhani refused to stop dancing in the street outside of a South Beach night club.  To make matters worse his dancing was blocking street traffic.   Oh Dhani, how dare you?   Well you know what they say.  If you’re going to do the crime you got to pay the time.     And seeing as the NFL is trying to cut down on end zone celebrations this year and having fun in general this arrest may be worthy of a 10 game suspension by the league.

The FSU Chicks strike again.   You can check out their latest photos at Maxim.com.   Even I’m starting to get sick of these girls.   But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking at their photos.  And it appears that this was a package deal.   Isn’t it obvious that Jen Sterger is the one that puts the asses in the seats?  This time she brought her hot, but not nearly as hot friends along.

Is this the best link of alltime?   It is Excitebike except instead of trying to get a great time the goal is to run people over.  I killed 47 people on my first run. As an added bonus the game features a spooky Halloween voice laughing as you kill people which is sure to give you nightmares.  On the down side you can’t create your own course which kind of sucks.

This is why there are days that I don't want to get out of bed. Wilmer Valderrama, Fez from that 70's Show, recounted all the ridiculous tail he's gotten on Howard Stern this morning and I'm ready to slit my wrists. First, maybe Fez is hot and I'm missing it because I'm just an average straight guy. I know that he's not Rocky Dennis but I also don't think he's going to be People's Sexiest Guy anytime soon. Second, he's Fez. I looked him up on imdb.com to check out his credentials. I was thinking that maybe he has a string of lesser known critically acclaimed acting roles that gives him some sort of "artist" vibe that could possibly explain how he's had sex with so many hot actresses. Nope. That 70's Show is the pinnacle of Fez's career and it's not even close. He was in Summer Catch which I remember because Jessica Biel went swimming in a t-shirt but other than that he provided a voice for the Clifford (the big red dog) movie and is the creator/producer/writer/douchebag behind Yo Mamma a real (I swear to God) upcoming television show where Fez goes around the country in search of the best trash talkers. You know because nothing says quick, on-your-feet creativity like an actor who needs 20-takes to get his lame fake accent right.

Anyways, here is a recap of what he claimed on Howard Stern:

He popped Mandy Moore's cherry
Jennifer Love Hewitt was an 8 out of 10 in the sack
Ashlee Simpson is a screamer
Lindsay Lohan's breasts are real
Jessica Alba was too good to be true

If you see Fez walking down the street, please punch him for me. Thanks.

Randy Johnson is going to court in an attempt to retrieve approximately $75,000 in child support payments that he claims were unnecessary. I have nothing to add in regards to Randy paying child support for a secret love child but the thought of Randy Johnson having sex is nauseating. I think if you're in hell one of the things that you get stuck watching is a sweaty, gangly Johnson having sex with equally sweaty, gangly  Margo Dydek. Revolting.

I can't put this more clearly: I would rather be covered in honey, staked to the ground and left to be eaten alive by fire ants than watch the Manning vs. Manning crapfest that NBC is shoving down our throats during Week 1 of the NFL season. I am already shivering thinking about the countless features about Cooper Manning, the hundreds of baby photos documenting Peyton's misshapen head, the thousands of cutaway shots of a pacing Archie Manning and the endless fawning over these two goofballs. No real football fan wants to see this matchup. It's not like Peyton and Eli are going to actually play against each other in some sort of brother vs. brother death match. The only people- other than Colts and Giants fans- who are going to get excited about this matchup are marginal NFL fans, SportsCenter, Ron Borges and Skip Bayless.

Sticking with people who should retire, what are people’s thoughts about Basic Instinct II? How old is Sharon Stone?  She’s at least 50 right?   I mean I think she’s even older than Mark from Road Rules.   I have no desire to see this movie and I have a hard time believing anybody else would either.  The previews keep showing that scene where she uncrosses her legs again.   Something tells me she’s wearing granny underwear this time around.    I bet Newman doesn’t even break a sweat.   As a side note, maybe the reason I think she’s ugly now is just her haircut?  She looks like she’s recovering from a disease or something.

Did people hear the big announcement yesterday?  Mark from the original Road Rules retired from MTV on the after show of the Gauntlet.   I guess everybody has to hang em up at some point huh?   It was a pretty emotional moment for me.  After all he’s been doing this stuff for like 20 years now right?  You could tell me he was 50 years old and I wouldn’t blink an eye.  Now it looks like it’s up to Cyrus to carry the flag for the senior citizen crowd on MTV.  Anyway, thank god the Gauntlet is over.  It takes a lot to make me feel like a fool.   But that’s exactly how I felt after watching this season of the Gauntlet on MTV.   Hopefully I was the only person who watched it because it was pathetic from beginning to end.   And last night’s finale was no different as $150,000 came down to who could eat a burrito faster.    It was just one bad show after another this season.    We had people quitting all over the place.  As much fun as I’ve made of Coral, The Miz and Tonya in the past it became quite clear that the future of the Gauntlet depends on these people.  The show sucks without them.  And you know what’s really pathetic?  I know I’m still going to watch a few reruns over the next few weeks.